Do I Mean What I Say?

As the mom of a teenager I get confused about what I'm saying and doing as a parent. How do I know how to handle some of the situations my daughter brings to me?

Yesterday when she got home from tennis practice, she was all excited, Brian came to her school at lunchtime and left three cheery daffodils with a note asking her to his school's Tolo dance, which was my Sadie Hawkins dance; Tolo is also a resort town in Greece. The secretary commented that she thought girls were to ask the boys, Emily replied that since it was at his school, he could ask her. But one of her well-meaning friends had told Brian that Emily didn’t have any money to ask him. She disappears into room to start cleaning it. I’m looking forward to spending the evening together. We can talk over what she needs to do about college. Although as I look at the bathroom that she was supposed to keep clean after our last conversation, I wonder if conversation is enough.

 She told me that she doesn’t want to drive down to Seattle to the College Fair with an adult, by herself, because it will be awkward. The conversation about her going to the College Fair isn’t over as far as I’m concerned, but the sun in my garden is too captivating to discuss anything with her right now. Then she comes to the door and tells me there is room in the van for her to go to Seattle tonight. Knowing I shouldn’t really spend the money on a bus, I let her go, but ask her to make dinner so we can eat together. As I trim my roses and clean up my garden I start to feel better. Then she calls me to come in and have dinner, when I get inside she’s back in her room packing and no dinner in sight. So I start pulling food ideas out of the refrigerator and call her to the kitchen. Ten minutes later her friend bounces in. I go out to the van to find out how they have made room for her, the mom tells me their daughter is going to sit on the floor. My heart sinks, I wouldn’t let my daughter travel without a seat belt. But the mom reassures me that they do it all the time when they travel. Emily is smiling and chatting with the friend sitting next to her on the seat with her seatbelt strapped on. Zooey reassures me too. I don’t express my concern at their choice and wave cheerfully like I mean it as they drive off.